Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
