he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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