i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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