you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
