It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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