A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dick has a subreddit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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