Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
