as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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