Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
