i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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