It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
