my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
