Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
