my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
