Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
