You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
