Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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