please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
