i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
