This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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