put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
