everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
