Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
