if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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