do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
