Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
