If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
