A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
