I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
