Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
