If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
