i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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