An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
