no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
whose parrot is this?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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