Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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