I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
