I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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