white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
