just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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