i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
