I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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