Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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