Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
