I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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