Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
