I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
