someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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