when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
