So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
