So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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