I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
