I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to calm my uterus...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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