if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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