The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
