he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
