i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nicole vs. Life
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
