Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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