Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
