At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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